The excitement of starting a new adventure is often replaced with the reality of having to build new friendships. It makes you wonder, if staying in one place is better for the soul?
Those first few days in a new city are difficult and can often make you feel very isolated and lonely. However, I have found the reverse to be true; people that you have been put in contact with, are more than happy to take you out and show you their city that they now call home. Those first few weeks are truly wonderful and it tricks you into believing this home could be your “final destination”.
However, what if I told you that this honeymoon period does not always last and eventually these people naturally go back to their normal lives again. You are no longer seen as that new Christmas toy and that´s OK, because it´s actually quite normal. You will always be glad to have had them in your life when you were getting to know the new city or country. They were the voice of reason and your guidance map through the unknown. I was truly lucky to have had them in my life when I arrived new to this city and I will always be grateful for the time they gave me. It was my choice to walk away from acquaintances that could have blossomed for various reasons.
I guess that the older I get, the more selective that I am with my friends and I would rather not have friends for the sake of it, even if that means that I have fewer friends in my life.
I want to find friendships that reflect me and I them. Friends that love to do hiking, cycling, yoga, swimming or rollerblading with me or those who share my outlook or mind. Like finding a partner or soul mate, in friendships, you also want to find someone who “clicks” with you.
Those friendships I left back in the country I moved from where truly one of a kind and if I cant find similar friendships here, then I´m happy to wait and become my own best friend in the meantime. My friends and family are always on the end of a phone line or a whats-app message when I miss them and want to catch up on their lives.
It was through spending time with myself over the past few months here, which was something I did not relish in my previous country, that was to become the change I needed in myself.
Previously I lived in a shoe-box style hotel apartment on the 20th floor, which was beautiful but would never be home. Instead I spent as little time as possible there; swam a lot in the pool on the top floor, which became my one and only hobby but mostly I could be found at my friends. Their homes represented to me ” home” and their friendship to me “my family” away from home.
I promised myself that when I moved to where I am now, I would rent a bigger apartment, with enough space for my family and friends to come visit.
Even though it’s not my final home, it makes me happy and I enjoy being in it, watching films, reading and cooking and lightening candles at night to make it feel cosy.
Most evenings and weekends, I spend on my own and as much as it sounds like a lonely and isolating existence, you might be surprised to discover that, I am enjoying my own company. Until those quality friendships come along, I am happy to wait and navigate these new shores alone, exploring new hobbies and learning what it is I actually love to do.
Don’t be afraid to spend time by yourself. You might discover that it isn’t quite such a lonely existence because it gives you time to try out new hobbies or learn a new language. Being your own best friend is something you should relish and not be frightened of….
I read a funny quote recently “Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face! I found my octopuses…